“Please, it’s for your own safety and that of others!” I pleaded with my husband.
“I am NOT going to wear a mask with pink hearts and kisses!” he exclaimed.
“It’s not pink. The mask is red with little white hearts,” I explained.
I tried to make him understand that is all we had available right now. The stay-at-home order in my state was still in effect but he needed to go to the hospital to get a procedure performed on his back.
Therefore, he needed a mask. The only materials I could find to make a mask were hair ties and a red bandana with little white hearts.
I thought I had needle and thread in my sewing basket so I could sew a homemade mask for everyone in the household. However, my granddaughters used them for a Girl Scout project, and I forgot to replenish my supply.
Thankfully, our granddaughter had already demonstrated the technique of mask-making that she learned at camp last summer. She informed me they learned about masks to protect the girls from pollen, an epidemic, or nuclear fallout.
I researched the Girl Scout’s Position on this issue, I discovered a 2009 pdf describing the preparedness program for an inevitable pandemic. Wow, even the Girl Scouts knew this was coming! I also looked online at the CDC website which gave detailed information about everything mask and COVID-19 related.
Maybe, if I use logic, he will wear the mask. I informed my husband that according to the CDC, COVID-19 resembles the common cold and those infected often experience fever, coughing, and shortness of breath.
However, an infection can lead to pneumonia, multi-organ failure, severe acute respiratory syndrome, and even death, in more severe cases. The elderly and those with preexisting chronic health conditions have accounted for the majority of deaths from COVID-19.
“You are an old man and need help protecting yourself. I know what I am talking about. They don't call me, Dr. Debbie, for nothing!” I replied. (I am a doctor in the sense of doctorin’ the family for decades.)
Still, he refused.
I implored my husband over and over that he will have to wear the heart mask only this one time.
“You will go to the hospital, then the pharmacy, and the store for the list of sewing supplies.” Still, he refused. The macho mentality his father instilled in him was plainly evident and shined through. My husband crossed his arms and glared, daring me to make him do it!
Rolling my eyes, I had to take a deep breath. Well, that didn’t work to relieve my frustration. He was acting like a child. Maybe, reverse psychology will work. Or guilt. Yeah, I’ll try guilting him into wearing the mask.
“If you do not wear it, you can catch the Coronavirus and bring it home to us. Think about that for a moment. You get infected from someone’s cough or sneeze and you bring it home to your granddaughter and me.
“Then, after we get infected, all the other grandkids get the virus. Just imagine when we are gone, you will be all alone with no one to love or care for you.
“Finally, what about the cashier at the store and their family. Do you want all this blood on your hands?” I said.
He looked at me and snorted, “I’m not wearing a mask with hearts on my face!”
What else can I do to convince him to wear the mask? I got it! “The doctor will not see you if you are not protected. Let’s give him a call,” I said.
So we called the doctor’s office, and the receptionist informed him that the hospital has people stationed at the outpatient entrance stopping patients from entering without protection. In fact, they are only letting patients in the hospital. Visitors or drivers have to wait in the parking lot.
“I bet they will have masks available for people who arrive without one,” he said.
“What if the hospital has run out of masks?” I asked.
“I doubt it. You have to do better than that,” he snickered.
I am about at the end of my rope! After a bit of racking my brain, I came up with the solution.
Restriction of Conjugal Rights
You can think about stay-at-home orders in one of two ways — isolation or prison. Which brought to mind the concept of conjugal rights. Sauntering over to my husband, I seductively laid my arm across his chest and tickled the sensitive area around his left earlobe.
“Ooh, baby, doesn’t that feel good?” I asked. Closing his eyes, he rolled his head around enjoying the sensations I created.
“Just think about the little present I have for you when you get back from the hospital,” I cooed in his right ear.
His puzzled look morphed into incredulity. “What?”
“If you do not do as I ask, I will withhold all martial affections henceforth,” I sneered. I never saw an old man move so fast to put on a red homemade mask with little white hearts and hair ties on his face.
Let this be a lesson to all you ladies in isolation/prison if you need your man or partner to don a mask, withhold conjugal rights.
Debbie Walker is a great-grandmother, blogger, and writer with a BA in Psychology. Her vision is to help others live the life they aspire to live…one word at a time. Stay in touch with her at email@example.com